nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
