she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
