So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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