And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
