your parents love me but you hate me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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