By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
