Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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