I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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