OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
