apparently the secret to your success is patron
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
