Quick, to the slutcave!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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