She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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