Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
