I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
