In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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