I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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