She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
