She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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