Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
