Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dignity is for republicans.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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