perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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