you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
