singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
