Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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