Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
being pregnant is like rehab
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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