The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
