I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
