did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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