I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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