I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
