I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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