he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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