I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
