happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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