Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
