I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
