i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
