Umm I'm too high to move.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
