Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
