i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
