just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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