I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
