My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
