I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
