I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
