well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
