I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
