When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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