So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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