the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
