if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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