he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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