Buhtt sex?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
