If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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