The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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