Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
