Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
