It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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