I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
