I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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