I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
