chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I skipped work to stalk him.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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