Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
