Sry I called you an 8
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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