We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
