What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
