This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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