i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
