My pussy is not your playground.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pants are for mortals
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
