you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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