You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
