I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
