Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
