It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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