I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ladies don't puke and tell
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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