You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
