This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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