This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
