we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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