we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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