yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't deserve a penis
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
