You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
