After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
